800 Leagues Down the Amazon

Stars: Adam Baldwin (Full Metal Jacket, Predator 2), Daphne Zuniga (The Sure Thing, TV's "Melrose Place"), Barry Bostwick (The Rocky Horror Picture Show). Based on a Jules Verne story, this mercifully brief film tells the uninteresting tale of Joam Garral (Barry Bostwick), a Peruvian landowner of means who ferries his daughter Minha (Daphne Zuniga) and her fiancee down the Amazon for their wedding in Brazil. Along the trip they run into the standard dangers just like clockwork: spear-throwing natives, alligators, piranhas, a storm, and river pirates. The minimal plot, such as it is, has one river pirate named Torres (Adam Baldwin), hopping aboard and threatening to expose Garral (who escaped from Brazil after being falsely accused of a robbery), unless the latter coughs up bucks and his daughter. Directed by Luis Llosa (Sniper), 800 Leagues Down the Amazon is like a really bad episode of a TV adventure. The action sequences are uninspired, the acting is minimal, and the dialogue is either dry or lame. (The one memorable exchange takes place between Minha and Torres. Minha: "You vile pig...you are disgusting." Torres: "I'll tame you yet." Unfortunately, the dialogue is rarely this good.) Audience: Very undemanding action fans.