Alone in the Dark

Playing the most laughable hottie scientist since nuclear-physicist Denise Richards in The World is Not Enough, Tara Reid--Hollywood's poster tart for partying hardy and bad breast implants--serves up one of the defining moments in this utterly inept supernatural action-horror flick. She's supposed to be a gifted archeologist specializing in rare Native American artifacts--which when pieced together could open a portal to a monster-spewing parallel world--yet while cataloging these objects, she notes that one was discovered in "New Found Land," a snicker-inducing mispronunciation that turns out to be just one of many examples of how this film is so bad it's almost a comedy. Director Uwe Boll (House of the Dead)--a latter-day Ed Wood who fancies himself a cross between action-stylish John Woo and B-movie horror-iffic John Carpenter--slaps the contrived, convoluted story together with third-rate dinner-theater actors (save slumming star Christian Slater), fourth-rate props (the artifacts look like fifth-grade art projects), conspicuously sloppy stunts, $8 car chases, and fashionably choppy editing, all set to a head-banging, screaming-vocalist Goth-grind soundtrack. The upshot: a lifeless gateway-to-hell genre entry with all the narrative and cinematic acumen of a cheap video game. Not recommended. [Note: DVD extras include audio commentary by director Uwe Boll, the visual effects featurette “Shedding a Light” (10 min.), an “Into the Dark” behind-the-scenes featurette (8 min.), two storyboard-to-film comparisons (5 min.), a short bullet-time animatic (2 min.), an optional subtitled trivia track, six music videos, and trailers. Bottom line: a decent extras package for a dud of a horror flick.] (R. Blackwelder)[DVD Review—Oct. 2, 2007—Lionsgate, 99 min., not rated, $19.98—Making its second appearance on DVD, 2004's Alone in the Dark (Unrated Director's Cut) sports a fine transfer, 6.1 DTS-ES digital audio and Dolby Digital 5.1 surround EX sound. DVD extras new to this release include an additional three minutes added to the film, a newly recorded audio commentary by director Uwe Boll, a “Raging Boll: The Stuff of Legends” featurette on Boll (10 min.), and trailers. Bottom line: three extra minutes and a handful of new extras do not turn this sow's ear horror flick into a silk purse film classic.]