Artemisia

The "true" story of the first great woman artist, director Agnes Merlet's 17th century Italian bodice-ripper stars Valentina Cervi in the title role as an aspiring artist shackled by the social mores and religious precepts of her place and time: Italy, circa 1670. Specifically, Artemisia wants to a) be accepted as a pupil in the art academy and b) draw naked guys; both of which, as a female, she is denied. So, the 17-year-old comely lass cajoles, first, a young Adonis type to pose for her (and, admirers of male genitalia take note, said Adonis' private parts are displayed close-up), then approaches Agostino Tassi (Miko Monojlovic), an artist working with Artemisia's father (Michel Serrault, also an artist) with her portfolio and a deep desire to learn. Even those who like to wade in the shallow end of the plot-guessing pool will have little trouble following the domino trail here: Artemisia and Agostino share more than paintbrushes and pseudo-intellectual art talk, eventually are discovered, and have to pay the piper (a.k.a., the Catholic authorities). Predictable, lackluster (sample dialogue: "no one dies of sorrow"), quiveringly earnest without one iota of humor, Artemisia is a perfunctory portrait of the artist. Optional. (R. Pitman)