File this one under “Sequels Nobody Was Clamoring For.” A fairly close remake of George Mihalka's 1981 slasher film, filmmaker Patrick Lussier's new My Bloody Valentine adds far more convincing gore effects and reasonably creative use of 3D to a tired, predictable narrative that adheres slavishly to shopworn shudder-show tropes. Ten years ago, Harry Warden—the only survivor of a coal-mining accident in Harmony, WV—went on a maniacal killing spree on Valentine's Day with a pickaxe. Now, after self-exiled Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles) returns to the community with an eye towards selling the mine, the pickaxe starts to swing again, and suspicion falls on Hanniger himself, because Harry Warden is dead—isn't he? To call My Bloody Valentine dopey is understating the case, with the only qualified entertainment in the entire enterprise coming from the 3D depictions of the murders (in one, a victim faces the camera as the pickaxe enters his head from behind, impales his eyeball on its point, and pushes it out of his skull toward the viewer—eww!). Not surprisingly, with the exception of solid performances from experienced character actors Tom Atkins and Kevin Tighe, the acting here is atrocious, with Jaime King topping the list as a colorless leading lady (especially in 3D on the small screen, which literally leaches the color out of the image). Not recommended. [Note: Featuring both the 2-D and 3-D (with four pairs of 3-D glasses) versions of the film, DVD/Blu-ray extras include audio commentary by director Patrick Lussier and co-writer Todd Farmer, deleted/extended scenes and an alternate ending (20 min.), a making-of featurette (7 min.), a “Sex, Blood, and Screams” behind-the-scenes featurette (5 min.), a brief gag reel, and trailers. Exclusive to the Blu-ray release is a “MoLog” feature (allowing users to insert and animate shapes, text, audio and other graphics into the film to share with others), the BD-Live function, and a bonus digital copy of the film. Bottom line: a solid extras package for a lame slasher flick.] (E. Hulse)
My Bloody Valentine 3D
Lionsgate, 103 min., R, DVD: $29.95, Blu-ray: $39.99, May 19 Volume 24, Issue 3
My Bloody Valentine 3D
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