For cheesy thrills, you generally can't beat ravenous zombies or gun-totin' rednecks, so by rights Splinter—which sports both—should have been the Citizen Kane of popcorn movies aimed directly at the reptilian brain. Unfortunately, it falls considerably short of that mark. True, nobody expects dazzling originality from grade-B horror flicks, but director Toby Wilkins' Splinter does everything strictly by the numbers, and without even a hint of joie de vivre. The story gets underway when a nerdy, pedantic graduate student (Paulo Costanzo) and his improbably hot girlfriend (Jill Wagner) find themselves lost in the boondocks and carjacked by a wacko couple. Eventually, they end up in a gas station, where they struggle to avoid becoming dinner for the deadly human hosts of a parasite resembling splinter-like quills. While the usual splatter-film tropes are trotted out with gore effects that are reasonably convincing, Splinter remains—for the most part—bereft of wit and imagination, qualities sorely needed in horror films hoping to make an impression in today's oversaturated marketplace. Not recommended. (E. Hulse)
Splinter
Magnolia, 82 min., R, DVD or Blu-ray: $26.99, Apr. 14 Volume 24, Issue 3
Splinter
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