The Cat in the Hat

I don't remember a rave scene with a cameo by hoochie hotel heiress Paris Hilton in Dr. Seuss's The Cat in the Hat, do you? Or a Playboy centerfold sight gag. Or a joke with the punchline "You dirty ho." I guess Universal Pictures had to do something to stretch the beloved-but-brief children's book into an ill-advised $100-million-plus motion picture--and it seems first-time director Bo Welch figured stomping all over creator Theodor Geisel's grave was as good a way as any to do it. The insufferably padded plot substitutes the book's simple messed-up house for insipid sci-fi chicanery about transmogrifying gloop from another dimension. Rabidly ad-libbing Mike Myers demonstrates not a hint of Seussism in the fur-and-rubber-encased title role, plying the picture with his own tiresome shticks (Scottish accents! Infomercial spoofs!), and bellowing "Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!" while punching the air with his cartoonified three-fingered fists. The Cat in the Hat may look Seussical (kudos to the production designer), but by the time it was half over, only one indelible visual was burned into my mind: a sad, Lorax-like cartoon of Geisel crying his eyes out. Not recommended. [Note: Available in both widescreen or full screen versions, DVD extras include audio commentary by director Bo Welch and costar Alec Baldwin, 17 minutes of deleted scenes, six minutes of outtakes, featurettes on “The Hat” (2 min.), “The Real Dr. Seuss” (3 min.), “The S.L.O.W.” (2 min.), “The Kids” (3 min.), “The Cat Stacks” (2 min.), “The Mother of All Messes” (3 min.), “The Dirt of D.I.R.T.” (2 min.), the costume design of “The Cat” (3 min.), the computer animation of “The Fish” (2 min.), the set design of “Seussville U.S.A.” (4 min.), the Dr. Seuss stamp in “The Purrrr-fect Stamp” (3 min.), and “The Music” (2 min.), as well as a “Dance Along with the Cat” eight-step dance and practice instruction segment, and DVD-ROM features. Bottom line: a decent extras package for an indecent travesty of Geisel's classic.] (R. Blackwelder)