A Grand Slam Summer

Pro beach volleyball, the disadvantages and advantages. Disadvantage: you'll never be a millionaire (the pro circuit has only one, Brazil's Jose Loiola). Advantage: your audience consists mainly of scantily clad nubiles cheering on your every move. Disadvantage: they keep changing the beaches on you due to coastal commission types who don't want "undesirable" festivals and tournaments played there. Advantage: your audience consists mainly of scantily clad nubiles cheering on your every move. Disadvantage: the vocabulary of most of your teammates consists almost exclusively of various combinations of the phrases "serve," "spike," "set," "cool," "dude," "bitchin'," "whoa" and "yes!" (uttered after a really good serve, spike, set, etc.). Advantage: the scantily clad nubiles don't care what you say, they love you exclusively for your body. Disadvantage: they make an ESPN fast action style videotape about your life and tournaments and play the theme to Hawaii Five-O about 700 times on the soundtrack each time they show off your bronzed body slamming balls over the net. Disadvantage: in spite of the fact that this is an exciting and sometimes very dramatic video, well produced and effective, I'll be flummoxed if I'm going to remove my clothing and go about cheering like a slightly tarnished bronze madman for it. Advantage: But I did like it. Recommended. Aud: P. (R. Ray)