Heart Fire

The Heart Fire package consists of a) 1 videotape, b) 1 little bottle of massage oil, c) 3 pieces of incense and d) 2 chocolate kisses…and the warning that "Love Fire[TM] Massage Oil and Incense have special essential oils which may produce an aphrodisiac effect!" That may be so, but since I'm somewhat sensitive to smells, I tossed the massage oil and the incense, and then threw out the chocolate as well (no date; for all I know, the stuff might have been pre-Columbian). That left the videotape. Have you seen a video fireplace? For sixty minutes, viewers (or, at least viewers like me who've deep-sixed the "special essential oils" and are therefore experiencing no aphrodisiac effect) stare at wood burning in the fireplace accompanied by the natural sounds of snap! crackle! and pop! And something more: if you strain your eyeballs and play with the "slow" button on your VCR remote, you will occasionally see words in the fire, such as "caring," "closeness," "exciting" and "feel" (although this last might have been "feet"). Personally, I was bored almost into non-sentience. Of course, your mileage may vary (maybe a subliminal flashing of "feel" or "feet" will set you a-quiver, especially if you're a podiatrist). But, basically, this is just a video fireplace with little accessories--something you might give as a gag gift, but would be loathe to receive yourself. Not recommended. (R. Pitman)