Nails

Stars: Dennis Hopper (Paris Trout, Blue Velvet, Easy Rider, Colors), Anne Archer (Patriot Games, Narrow Margin, Fatal Attraction), Tomas Milian (JFK, Havana). Another tiresome brains-in-the-testicles made-for-cable action film. This time out typecast crazy Dennis Hopper stars as Harry "Nails" Niles (the nickname is never explained), a homicide detective who's about as appealing as the thought of chugging paint thinner. Harry's the kind of guy whose every third word is a popular four-letter euphemism for sexual intercourse. In the opening moments, Harry and his black partner get into a high speed car chase, and you think maybe this is going to be a Lethal Weapon wannabe, but then the black guy gets plugged in the opening five minutes and you realize it's just your basic movie. It turns out that the people who pissed Harry off by killing yet another one of his partners are drug dealers (no kidding) who are involved with a corrupt political candidate (no kidding) who happens to be hooked up--professionally--with Harry's ex-wife Mary (Anne Archer). The whole shebang is about as predictable as snow in Alaska, and about as savory as used-Reebok-stew. And you don't have to be a prude to be overwhelmed by the relentless coarse language: it's a question of semantics--sometimes it's very difficult to find the subject and the verb amidst the barrage of profanity (although, frankly, the dialogue is not terribly profound). Audience: The pretzel & beer crowd.