The Linguini Incident

Stars: David Bowie (Into the Night, The Hunger, The Man Who Fell To Earth), Rosanna Arquette (The Executioner's Song, Desperately Seeking Susan, After Hours), Marlee Matlin (Children Of A Lesser God), Eszter Balint (Stranger Than Paradise). "Slight" doesn't begin to effectively convey the impact of this incredibly long 99 minute exercise in self-indulgence. Cecil and Dante (Buck Henry and Andre Gregory making utter fools of themselves) run a posh dinner club named Dali's, where new waiter Monte (Bowie) meets regular waitress Lucy (Arquette). Lucy is a Houdini wannabe who couldn't escape from a wet paper bag. Lucy and Monte hit on the idea of robbing Dali's and enlist the aid of Lucy's best friend Viv (Balint), a strange woman who designs a self-defense underwear line (and earns the moniker of Lethal Cleavage). For variety (and that's all this film is) Oscar-winner Marlee Matlin plays a deaf waitress who delivers zingers in sign language. You know what happens when you blow up a balloon and then let it go? That's The Linguini Incident: it zips all over the place leaving a lot of hot air in its wake. I pity the poor marketing exec who suffered through this turkey in the screening room and then had to figure out a way to sell it. Bow wow. Audience: Interesting cover art and names of Bowie and Arquette may lure a few but no one is going to pass along a good word on this limp noodle.