Roswell: The UFO Uncoverup

Scene 1--New Mexico desert, 1950-something. An animated clip-art space ship is hit by a dazzling special effect and crash lands in the sand. Scene 2--Paranoid Army officers, out in the desert lighting off atomic weapons with their bare hands, come across the wreckage and decide it's too advanced for us dummies, and put it in their underground bunker for later study. Scene 3--Massive cover-up ensues, as reverse engineering of alien spacecraft allows army to come up with laser technology, fiber optics, night vision, $900 toilet seats and Malcolm Forbes. Cut to: 1999--It's paaaaaarrrrrtty time! Roswell, New Mexico, home of the (I wish I was kidding) "UFO Encounter 1997" festival, the "UFO Museum," and the "UFO Cappuccino Bar" (which really begs the question, "what's this floating in my coffee?"). No sooner does this video tell us that army officers once involved in the event have courageously stepped forward to tell the truth, risking career and reputation, than we see them at book signings with babes in Las Vegas style mini skirts, mingling with the directors and stars of docs such as Area 51 and Roswell, and speaking to large, rapt audiences of worshipful Star Trek convention types. Hey, who wouldn't give up a desk job in the desert for all this? Previous celebrities riding the UFO gravy train are featured, like Erich Von Daniken, and another "expert" who actually says, with a straight face, "(long ago) we were vibrating at 7.8 pulses per second, but now we're up to…..about 11.2 pulses or so…" (and I thought, "is that with or without the alien latte?"). On the bright side, this video has a sense of humor and fully knows it is capitalizing on the UFO craze. Still, if this tape is any indication, the next time aliens arrive on our planet, they won't be saying "take me to your leader," they'll be saying "take me to a good publicist who can negotiate a marketing tie-in between our arrival, and say, the premiere of the next Star Wars pre-quel, and while you're at it have your people do lunch with our people…etc." This should be quite popular and is therefore recommended, with more than a dash of cynicism. Aud: P. (R. Ray)