Alien vs. Predator

How many monotonous, stupid flicks does Paul W.S. Anderson (the awful Resident Evil, the worse Soldier) have to make before they take away his scissors and crayons? Not only did Anderson direct this dreck, he also wrote it--which is perhaps why there isn't a single memorable line, a single character who feels like a real person, or a single moment that doesn't feel contrived or obvious or both. None of that would matter, of course, if the ultimate beast smackdown was any good, but it isn't (and it's delayed for far too long). Instead we're treated to a whole lotta nonsense about a pyramid under the ice in Antarctica--the object of an expedition whose members are doomed to die horrible yet relatively tame PG-13 deaths. Sure, you can enjoy looking at pretty ice-climbing specialist Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan) and handsome archaeologist Sebastian de Rosa (Raoul Bova), but didn't we load this puppy up to watch an Alien kick a Predator's butt (or vice versa)? Unfortunately, Anderson's appreciation of drama and style is nonexistent, and when he finally does get to the monster showdown, it's so dark and poorly shot that we can't even tell who's beating the crap out of whom. Not recommended. [Note: Available in either widescreen or full screen versions, DVD extras include the original theatrical version and an extended version with a two-minute alternate opening, two audio commentaries (on the theatrical version only--one by writer-director Paul W.S. Anderson, and costars Lance Henriksen and Sanaa Lathan, the other by alien effects artists Alec Gillis and Tom Woodruff Jr., and visual effects supervisor John Bruno), a 23-minute “making-of” featurette, three deleted scenes (2 min.), a Dark Horse AVP comic covers gallery, and DVD-ROM features, including a background study and an exclusive preview of the upcoming graphic novel. Bottom line: a decent extras package for a dud film.] (M. Johanson)