Fantastic Four

Who are these halfwit Hollywood clowns who keep hiring cleavage-candy actresses with no equally measurable talent to play laughably bespectacled scientists in action movies? This bumbling, big-budget, Z-movie-bad adaptation of Marvel Comics' Fantastic Four is a cinematic train wreck, exemplified by the casting of ring-a-dingy Jessica Alba—hitherto known for playing dancers and strippers—as Sue Storm, a 23-year-old “director of genetic research.” Sent into space along with a paper-thin cast of compatriots (a geneticist ex-boyfriend, her cocky failed-astronaut brother, an ex-NASA pilot, and a transparently evil billionaire), Sue and this group of supposed geniuses can't even keep track of the glowing cloud of gases they're studying—an interstellar storm that promptly overruns their space station, after which each returns home with strange new powers. The C-list cast (Ioan Gruffudd, Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans, Julian McMahon) are subject to obsolete CGI effects and a horrible highlights-reel screenplay that is little more than a catalog of obvious contrivances, atrocious exposition, and time-wasting “extreme, dude!” action scenes of snowboarding and motocross racing. Easily the worst comic-book movie since Batman & Robin almost buried that franchise eight years ago, this is not recommended. [Note: Available in either widescreen or full screen versions, DVD extras include an audio commentary (by costars Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, and Julian McMahon), a 20-minute “Fantastic Four Video Diary” featuring behind-the-scenes home video footage hosted by the cast, the Fox Movie Channel-produced segments “Casting Session” (8 min.) and “Making a Scene” (8 min.), a five-minute “making-of” featurette, three deleted scenes (3 min.), the music videos “Everything Burns” performed by Ben Moody and “Come On, Come In” performed by Velvet Revolver, and trailers. Bottom line: a decent extras package for a superhero-sized dud.] (R. Blackwelder)[DVD Review—June 12, 2007—Fox, 2 discs, 125 min., PG-13, $26.98—Making its second appearance on DVD, 2005's Fantastic 4 (Extended Edition) sports a nice transfer with DTS and Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound options. DVD extras new to this release include a bonus 20 minutes added to the film, audio commentary (by director Tim Story, producers Avi Arad and Kevin Feige, and screenwriters Michael France and Mark Frost), the 97-minute “Heroes Are Born” making-of documentary, the 64-minute documentary “Jack Kirby: Storyteller” on the comic book creator, a 59-minute “The World's Greatest Comic Magazine” documentary on the FF comic book, 12 deleted and extended scenes (27 min.), “The Baxter Building: Declassified” set featurette (7 min.), six multi-angle scene studies (6 min.), “From Comic Book to Film” (4 min.), “Visiting the Stately Ross Museum” (3 min.), a stills and collectibles gallery, and trailers. Bottom line: the added 20 minutes can't save this turkey, but the new extras—especially the docs on Kirby and the FF franchise—are very good.]