Picking Up the Pieces

Remember the stunned faces of that opening night crowd subjected to "Springtime For Hitler" in The Producers? That will be your face while watching this unholy train wreck of a comedy which was released direct to cable. Woody Allen--in a cowboy hat!--stars as a Texas butcher who dismembers his unfaithful wife (an unbilled--smart woman--Sharon Stone). When a blind woman stumbles upon her severed hand (with middle finger outstretched) and regains her eyesight, it's a miracle that transforms a small Mexican town into a tourist mecca. The cast is all over the map, with Fran Drescher (oy vey!) as a nun, David Schwimmer as a priest of wavering faith, Cheech Marin as the town's enterprising mayor, and Kiefer Sutherland as the sheriff who's on Woody's case. There are also appearances by Elliott Gould and the always annoying Andy Dick. While the mind boggles at how a film such as this, with a big name cast, ever gets made, we recommend that you not pick up any piece of this awful mess. (K. Lee Benson)