Star Maps

This ludicrous film's troubles begin with its overheated premise, which perhaps only a mad genius like Luis Bunuel could have made watchable. Teenager Carlos (Douglas Spain), hoping to become the next Antonio Banderas, reluctantly agrees to work for his father (Efrain Figueroa), who claims to know a few Hollywood movers and shakers. His pop's business, as it happens, is prostitution. Explosive material like this needs to be handled with the utmost care; sadly, novice director Miguel Arteta's touch is fatally clumsy. For one thing, nobody in the cast can act, which tends to be something of a drawback. (One review referred, oxymoronically, to Spain's "catatonic appeal.") For another, it's a tough sell that a father, however despicable, would peddle his own kid's body without a moment's hesitation, and neither Arteta's amateurish script nor Figueroa's energetic but hammy performance make pop's perversity believable. Nor can Arteta redeem the histrionics with blistering style, since he barely understands how to shoot a simple two-shot. Most of the movie, which was clearly intended to be provocative and disturbing, is simply laughable--imagine Blue Velvet as directed by Tony "Top Gun" Scott. Not recommended. (M. D'Angelo)