The Last Minute

Stephen Norrington's never-ran 2001 film (released to coincide with The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the director's would-be summer blockbuster) The Last Minute is a mess of stylistic busywork, pushy techno scoring, and unappealing characters doing things we couldn't care less about. Overnight, hip Londoner Billy Byrne goes from the cusp of fame to a 15-minutes-later crash and burn, and his roller coaster ride takes him from happening fetish clubs to the catacombs beneath the city where he falls in with a gang of child thieves. The Last Minute might play like something out of Dickens if Norrington weren't so intent on making A Clockwork Orange meets Trainspotting (Max Beesley, who plays Billy, is apparently the go-to boy when Ewan McGregor laughs in your face). Billy, of course, remains philosophical through it all, railing against idiots with "small craniums" and imploring us not to waste the precious time we're given here on Earth. It's excellent advice, and totally apropos here. Not recommended. [Note: DVD extras include hours and hours of material in which you can explore Billy's depressing worlds: his dingy flat, the catacombs, the fetish club. Bottom line: but why would you want to?] (M. Johanson)