The Master of Disguise

"The funny voices? The silly faces? They were funny for about one second," says a woman breaking the heart of Pistachio Disguisey (Dana Carvey) in this nitwit kiddie spy flick. She couldn't be more right. In what is a transparently desperate attempt at a career comeback, Carvey plays a clumsy, childlike twit (á la Roberto Benigni) who learns he's from a long line of disguise experts who have been "protecting the world from evil over the centuries." When his parents are kidnapped by their old archenemy (Brent Spiner), Grandpa Disguisey (Harold Gould) trains Pistachio for a rescue mission designed to showcase Carvey's ability to affect an endless array of annoying personas. Without the slightest hint of plot continuity, Carvey (who also co-wrote the script) hams through dozens of characterizations and gets out of dozens of plot holes by making up Disguisey family powers such as "Energico, the invisible energy." This catastrophe may amuse very small children for a few minutes at a time, but it's nothing but a bottom-feeding pretender to the clever kiddie cloak-and-dagger styling of Spy Kids. Not recommended. [Note: DVD extras include audio commentary by director Perry Andelin Blake and star Dana Carvey, six deleted/alternate scenes (including an alternate ending) with onscreen intros by Carvey in character as Turtle Guy, three featurettes (the five-minute “The Magic of Disguise,” on set design, production design and special effects; “Identity Crisis,” a 12-minute behind-the-scenes featurette; and “Man of a Thousand Faces” a nine minute short on makeup and costuming), the music video “M.A.S.T.E.R. Part 2” by Play and featuring Lil' Fuzz of B2K, and trailers. Bottom line: all the extras in the world can't disguise the fact that this is an out and out bowser.] (R. Blackwelder)