White Chicks

Although Marlon and Shawn Wayans (Scary Movie) underwent hours of daily makeup to play the title characters in this worthless gimmick comedy, their layers-of-latex Caucasian drag ultimately isn't any more realistic than the rubber mask worn by Michael Myers in the Halloween movies (just tighter, as if their faces had been shrink-wrapped). The pair star as idiot FBI agents assigned to babysit two dingbat blonde heiresses--halfhearted "omigod!" spoofs of Paris and Nicky Hilton--who have been threatened with kidnapping, but the Wayans' screw it up and end up going undercover as the girls instead. Giggling in Valley-gal falsettos and wobbling around the Hamptons in high heels and tight, tacky pink outfits (where, of course, everyone inexplicably mistakes them for the real heiresses), the guys furiously mug through every off-the-shelf cross-dressing gag known to Hollywood, supposedly "really learning something" about women in the process. What they don't do is provide any laughs. Only a fearlessly hilarious performance by rip-bodied, shaved-head brute Terry Crews (Friday After Next) as a won't-take-"no" suitor to blonde Marlon saves White Chicks from being completely beyond redemption. But it's nowhere near enough to make this worth watching. Not recommended. [Note: Available in “PG-13”-rated and “Unrated & Uncut” versions, DVD extras include audio commentary by filmmaking brothers Keenan Ivory Wayans (director) and costars Marlon Wayans and Shawn Wayans, a 13-minute “Encore: On the Set” behind-the-scenes “making-of” featurette, the 11-minute makeup featurette “How'd They Do That?”,  the 10-minute production featurette “A Wayans Comedy,” and trailers. Bottom line: a decent extras package for one of 2004's comedic dogs.] (R. Blackwelder)