Yours, Mine, & Ours

A very loose remake of a Lucille Ball/Henry Fonda 1968 comedy about two large broods brought together when their widowed parents wed, this incessantly cute, bland, and unendurably frantic update stars Dennis Quaid as Frank, a widowed Coast Guard officer with eight kids whom he raises with military discipline, and Rene Russo as his once-upon-a-time girlfriend Helen, a handbag designer with 10 kids who's as free-spirited as he is buttoned-down. The pair get engaged without even informing the offspring, and then move en masse into a fixer-upper lighthouse, along with a pet pig (an animal that gets more footage in reaction shots than dogs do in most movies) and a crotchety housekeeper (Linda Hunt). Things quickly deteriorate as the parents' modes of child-rearing clash and the two sets of kids, the one squeaky clean and the other decidedly lax, instantly dislike one another (but then decide to work together to split up Mom and Dad). Of course, even though the kids succeed, they bond during the process, and eventually must try to mend what they've broken. Possibly the worst live-action Disney movie Disney never made (it almost makes one nostalgic for The Pacifier), this is not recommended. [Note: Available in either widescreen or full screen versions, DVD extras include audio commentary by director Raja Gosnell, a 17-minute “Inside the Lighthouse” making-of featurette, a nine-minute behind-the-scenes video diary segment, “Casting the North Family” (7 min.), “Casting the Beardsley Family” (6 min.), the six-minute “18 Kids—One Script” featurette, “Your Big Break!—Advice for Aspiring Young Actors” (6 min.), two deleted scenes with optional commentary (4 min.), a three-minute “Setting Sail with the Coast Guard” featurette, and trailers. Bottom line: a full meal deal extras package for a malnourished comedy.] (F. Swietek)