Scenes From a Mall

Why Woody Allen chose this lame vehicle for his first acting-only role since 1976 is a mystery on the order of the creation of the universe. With the tremendously bankable Bette Midler, Allen stars as one-half of the unappealing yuppie married team of Nick and Deborah. After sending their kids packing on a camping trip, the neurotic pair head off to the mall to pick up their anniversary presents. Once there, Nick drops a major bombshell in Deborah's lap: he's been having an affair. For Deborah this is a particularly bitter pill to swallow since she's a bestselling author and marriage counselor. After pointlessly boring chase and talk scenes on the escalators, Deborah forgives Nick, and makes a confession of her own. She too is having an affair (surprise, surprise). Repeat escalator scenes, ad nauseam. With Allen and Midler on display there are naturally one or two good chuckles to be had here--but they're few and far between. Far from being an insightful satire on a rich subject (mall life), director Paul Mazursky's misfire is a lot like spending a day at the mall itself, an experience "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Not recommended. (R. Pitman)