My sophomore year of college I read Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution by Adrienne Rich and felt the ground beneath me shift and my world expand. Rich spoke openly and honestly about motherhood and even though it was something far in my future, her words resonated with me. Rich had the courage to speak truth to power and to acknowledge the ambivalence of not only motherhood, but of being a woman navigating a patriarchal world.
My So-Called Selfish Life, from award-winning documentary filmmaker Therese Shechter, is powerful in the same way, confronting the social taboo of choosing to be child-free, making the choice if you are a person with a uterus to not be a mother.
Shechter is known for her humor as a documentary filmmaker, something that is often not associated with the genre, and she brings this same gift to My So-Called Selfish Life making the topic approachable and the film inviting. Not only is Shechter reflecting on her own decision and life experience regarding this decision, but she also connects with and highlights the stories of many other individuals who have chosen to be child-free, reflecting the diversity of women and people with uteruses that make this choice.
The film counters many misconceptions and stereotypes about women who choose to be child-free, especially the idea that they "hate children," (some individuals in the film engage in volunteer work with youth and lovingly engage with the children of their friends). Another stereotype is that individuals select to be child-free because of terrible experiences with their own mothers. This is also countered. In the film, there are touching and lovely scenes between Shechter and her own mother.
This film is timely and important amidst ongoing attacks on the reproductive rights of people with uteruses. My So-Called Selfish Life highlights the damaging effect of societal and even medical preferences for individuals with uteresus to remain constantly open to the possibility of having a child, at the expense of their own mental health as they seek support for their reproductive choices that are best for their bodies. Her film reflects the pro-natal reality in which we live. Naming it, addressing it, and questioning it will certainly make many viewers feel less alone as they see individuals like themselves honored for their feelings and decisions. Shechter demonstrates through her support of other individuals in the film, the type of love and compassion that we all deserve, standing firm in the value of a person's life resting in that life alone and not in their ability to procreate.
Shechter puts the experiences of facing individuals today in context, tracing the child-free movement and interviewing Marcia Drut-Davis who appeared on 60 Minutes in 1974 to explain her reasons for choosing to be child-free and, the next day, was fired from her job as a teacher. She also highlights Black women and women of color who place their decision within the larger context of the United States of America's treatment of women of color in regard to forced sterilization and slavery, which involved rape and forced births.
Documentary film buyers should make sure My So-Called Selfish Life is a part of their shelves as there are certainly very few other films, if any, that counter the abundant stereotypes and misconceptions that dominant media regarding child-free women-identifying individuals. This film tackles those stereotypes and misconceptions and addresses them directly with grace, humor, and power. It honors the importance of choice and emphasizes the compassion and thoughtfulness of individuals who choose to be child-free. This is the film that many have been waiting for.
There is a discussion guide available for the film through the My So-Called Selfish Life and special educational events are available.