Conan the Barbarian

Filled with blood-and-guts carnage, this action-adventure remake is a mere shadow of John Milius's 1982 original starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The former Governator is not necessarily a better actor, but half-Hawaiian actor/model Jason Momoa's Conan comes across as little more than a misogynistic, stoic stiff who reveals the deep depths of his soul when he declares, “I live. I love. I slay. I am content.” During the opening battlefield scene, Conan's father, Corin (Ron Perlman), slices his infant son from the womb of his dying wife. Before long, Corin—who leads the doomed Cimmerian tribe—is killed by ferocious warrior Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) in front of the adolescent Conan (Leo Howard), setting up the eventual vengeful, climactic confrontation between the adult Conan and his nemesis, along with a quest for the powerful Mask of Acheron. On the distaff side, there's a campy, villainous sorceress, Marique (Rose McGowan), who's also Khalar's daughter; and a feisty temple priestess, Tamara (Rachel Nichols), who serves as Conan's romantic interest. Adapted from Robert E. Howard's original novel series, director Marcus Nispel's Conan the Barbarian boasts a strong visual style, but the humorless (except for unintentional laughs) revenge screenplay is tiresome. Not recommended. [Note: DVD/Blu-ray extras include two audio commentaries (the first by director Marcus Nispel, the second with costars Jason Momoa and Rose McGowan), “The Conan Legacy” on the history of the character (18 min.), “Robert E. Howard: The Man Who Would Be Conan” on the author (12 min.), the behind-the-scenes featurette “Battle Royal” (10 min.), “Staging the Fights” on stunts (6 min.), and trailers. Exclusive to the Blu-ray version are bonus 3-D, DVD, and digital copies of the film. Bottom line: a fine extras package for a lame remake.] (S. Granger)