Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

No doubt this campy Grimm fairy tale as horror-action-comedy sounded good on paper. As you may recall, young Hansel and Gretel were captured by a witch after they nibbled on her candy cottage. But that's just the prologue, as now-adult Hansel (Jeremy Renner) explains: 15 years later, he and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) roam the Bavarian woods as wisecracking, revenge-seeking vigilantes, skillfully saving medieval towns from the wrath of prowling witches with their automatic crossbows. Unfortunately, a blood moon eclipse has arrived, making witches impervious to fire. Led by evil sorceress Muriel (Famke Janssen), the frenzied, ferociously empowered witches are snatching and imprisoning children from Augsburg for a black Sabbath sacrificial feast. The villagers are frantic, of course (bottles of milk have woodcut pictures of missing kids on the labels). Just as Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare) manages to organize a witch hunt, Hansel and Gretel appear, saving Mina (Pihla Viitala), who develops a yen for Hansel, while Gretel's stalked by Ben (Thomas Mann), who's read about her in the newspapers. Written and directed by Tommy Wirkola, the film is full of ghouls, goblins, and gutter-mouthed dialogue that adds up to little more than preposterous drivel. Not a necessary purchase. [Note Blu-ray extras include both the unrated and theatrical versions of the film, a "Reinventing Hansel & Gretel" making-of featurette (16 min.), the production featurettes "The Witching Hours" (9 min.) and "Meet Edward the Troll" (6 min.), trailers, and bonus DVD, digital, and UltraViolet copies of the film. Bottom line: a decent extras package for a disappointing film.] (S. Granger)