Scary Movie V

How bad is this fifth installment from the long-running horror movie parody franchise? Well, it goes downhill after the opening sex scene in which notorious Charlie Sheen and a haggard-looking Lindsay Lohan spoof their naughty personas. When Sheen is killed by a ghost and his kids are kidnapped and stashed away in a cabin, married couple Jody (Ashley Tisdale) and Dan (Simon Rex) adopt his dead brother's (i.e., Sheen, although the actor confusingly plays himself) now-feral children, who are possessed by a demon Mother Spirit. As they position cameras around their home in order to track the ghost's movements, Jody is determined to dance in a local production of Swan Lake, while Dan is obsessed with his experiments to make apes super-intelligent. But the plot is, of course, utterly beside the point, as Scary Movie V is essentially a series of silly sketches riffing on better films, including Mama, Black Swan, Inception, 127 Hours, Cabin in the Woods, Paranormal Activity and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Making cameo appearances are Snoop Dogg, Heather Locklear, Molly Shannon, Mike Tyson, and Usher, among others. Directed by Malcolm D. Lee, the only shred of humor found here appears in outtakes during the closing credits. Not recommended. [Note: DVD/Blu-ray extras include deleted/extended scenes (10 min.), and trailers. Exclusive to the Blu-ray release are bonus DVD and UltraViolet copies of the film. Bottom line: a paltry extras package for a lame franchise entry.] (S. Granger)