The Man in the Iron Mask

Not to be confused with the Prince Leo theatrical effort, this staggeringly bad adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' classic swashbuckler comes to us courtesy of the "Fast, Cheap and Best Company." Starring B-movie veterans Timothy Bottoms, Edward Albert, and Meg Foster (in a cameo), it's reasonable to assume that the film was relatively cheap and fast to make (I'd be willing to bet that most scenes were done in a single take). But this is nowhere near the "best" that writer/director William Richert is capable of (his Winter Kills [1979] and Success [1979], both starring Jeff Bridges, remain two of my favorite pieces of American satire.) Here, Nick Richert--the director's son, who is vaguely Val Kilmer-ish--stars in the dual title role as the wronged heir to the throne whose locked away in a dungeon, while his twin brother rules France in a more-or-less hedonistic and cruel fashion--i.e., fast (with the women) and loose (with the guillotine). The action is sparse (and sparsely filmed), the dialogue (and delivery) borders on the atrocious (here, D'Artagnan sounds like a Texan, for LBJ's sake), and the acting is uniformly underwhelming. Give me the 1939 James Whale-directed classic, give me the 1977 Richard Chamberlain (at this point, definitive) TV-movie version, give me--even--Leo the Heartthrob. But not this. Not recommended. (R. Pitman)