Bed & Breakfasts of Britain: London

Following a brief overview of London sights--shot with as good an eye and attention to relevant detail as anything your Uncle Bob filmed on his last vacation--our hosts John Blake and Rhonda D'Amour read cue cards exhorting Queen Elizabeth II's hometown in general and introducing the first batch of 23 featured bed and breakfasts in greater London in particular. The format is real-estate-agent-basic: while voiceover narration fills us in on what we're seeing, the camera pans around various rooms (with no real attention paid to incidentals such as light levels), followed by--if we're lucky--a personal message from an owner reminding us that he or she would "love for you to come and join us." What's peculiar, at least initially, is the lack of what most travelers would consider vital information: namely, addresses and price ranges. Twenty minutes in, however, when John and Rhonda introduce Julia Stebbing from the London Bed & Breakfast Agency Limited, all becomes clear: customers have spent 25 bucks on a nearly 90-minute commercial. Here's the pitch: you visit their website, tell Julia and company the maximum you'd like to spend, agree to stay at least two nights in a B&B, are immediately billed the full amount on your credit card and--wait for it--then told where you are staying. Not bloody likely, mate. (Although, I suppose the various reference numbers at the beginning of each home tour suggest that you can at least list your preferences; otherwise, what's the point of this video?) To add insult to injury, viewers are forced to suffer through five minute infomercials between sections for establishments such as the "world-renowned" Players Theatre in the West End (during two week-long trips to London, I somehow managed to miss it both times). Even with the unexceptional filming and absurd booking system, this unique guide would still be worth considering were it not for the fact that it omits critical information in order to ensure that viewers will only approach these places through the designated agency. Not recommended. Two other titles in the series are also available at the same price: The West Country and Central England. Aud: P. (R. Pitman)